As usual, I have no idea how things work in this country...

SO. Today was quite the day.

I woke up and had a good Italian class... kinda learned some stuff and laughed with my neighbors about how terrible we are at Italian. Stepped outside and it was GORGEOUS out! The sun was shining, it was warm, life was good. Decided I should stop for my ashes on my way home. Stopped in two churches, neither of them had mass starting soon or ashes sitting out. Hmmmm.

Went home and googled all the churches I knew of in Rome to see when their mass times were, with no success. Googled to see if Ash Wed was even celebrated in Italy, as my previous post states. Decided to head to the Vatican. Still in a great mood, take the train and the metro.

Get to the Vatican and there are tonsssssssss of people in line. I just want to go to mass! I don't want to see anything else today! So I walk to the exit, which was wide open last time I was at the Vatican. There are people who work there and I explain to them I want to go to mass at noon (it's about 11:45). They tell me I have to go get in line. I explain again, "no, I just want to go to mass." He tells me again, go get in line.

All of a sudden, all the frustration I've had from living in Italy explodes. WHY is it so hard to do something as simple as get ashes on Ash Wed in basically the most Catholic place in the world!?!?! I can't help it, and I start crying in the middle of St. Peter's square. Wow, way to go. Then I go sit at the base of one of the big columns and an asian tourist takes a picture of me crying. Thank you, even better. I compose myself.

Then, I'm so angry, it's not even real. The list of all the things I disagree with the Catholic Church on come rushing to my brain and I just want to scream. I'm completely dumbfounded that the other Catholic churches prohibit tours and what-not during mass, but ST. PETER'S in the VATICAN allows tours on Ash Wednesday but forbids people who just want to go to mass from coming in without paying. So I storm out of the Vatican, and I must have looked mad because NO ONE got in my way. The line parted for me, when I crossed streets, busses and cars didn't even hesitate to stop for me like they usually do, no one tried to lure me with tourism-type offers, etc.

I stormed down to the metro, put my ticket through, and busted through the gates. Today, ATAC (the public transportation system in Rome) was patroling the metro and busses like crazy. Checking everyone for tickets, drug(?)/bomb(?) dogs were out, sitting on all the busses and metros, waiting on the platforms, etc. As I angrily pass two ATAC men, I hear them say something about me being "Americana" and I almost turned around and said "SI! Sono AMERICANA! e VOI siete ITALIANO. VA BENE? BUONA." ("YES! I am AMERICAN! And YOU are ITALIAN. OKAY? GOOD.") I am just SO SICK of everyone always pointing out that I am American. Duh, I'm American. It's not like I walk around the U.S. pointing at people going "Indian" "Chinese" "French" etc. Ugh. I figured with all the high security though, it would probably get me kicked off ATAC for the day and I'd have to walk home, so I refrained.

Anyway, came home and called my parents. Who calmed me down and got my mind off the subject. Then I went to class.

On my way home, people were walking into one of the churches I had stopped at. Soooo, even though I was so angry that I doubted it was anything, since people had been going in there this morning too, I stopped. Mass was starting! It was a mass for children and not one of them payed attention. I think the priest spent more time telling them to be quiet than he did doing the actual mass. Finally it was time for ashes! Aaaaand then I am just confused again, as usual. None of the adults are getting up, only the kids. So I start to wonder if only children are allowed to recieve ashes in Italy. After a long time though, adults start getting in line too, so I join them.

Then EVERYTHING makes sense. They don't use black ashes and they don't put them on the forehead. They use grey ashes and put a pile of them on your head. Mine all fell off the top of my head and covered my fleece jacket by the time I got back to my seat. Good, good. Way to go. I also don't think you're allowed to touch the ashes unless you're a preist.

So anyway, today was very stressful and now I have figured out what to do for lent. Originally, I wasn't going to do anything, but now I think I should probably learn to stop being so negative about Rome.

I HATE when people talk about how much they miss the U.S. and when they don't try to adapt to Italian culture at all. Whichhhhh I have started doing lately. Sooooo I have to go back to how I was when I first got here, proudly proclaiming to everyone that I could live here for a few years when they all said they need to leave as soon as the semesters done. I mean, now I agree that I'm getting out of this city like a bat out of hell when this semester is up, but I am going to try to enjoy it more like I did when I first got here.

I think my main problem is that I have too much downtime and that can make me hate anything. Even when I'm at school, I feel like I'm wasting my time. Hopefully these two classes that I'm auditing will help me out since they'll actually interest me and I can look for other things to occupy my time.

Sooooooooo now I am going to go work on the things I need to do if I want to stay in Europe for the summer. I'm applying for a certain something that I have been instructed to keep quiet, due to the negativity of my blog, haha. Hopefully I get it and I can share the good news soon!